Down in the dumps and taking my diet with me

As with any journey, there are ups such as the 5 pound weight loss my first week and there are downs, such as gaining most of that back over the past 2 weeks.  I haven't worked out in 2 weeks.  I haven't stayed under 1500 calories in 2 weeks and I seem to have no motivation to do anything other than what is necessary.  I've told myself it's ok, I'm depressed about the loss of my grandmother and I deserve a break while I work through my emotions and while I'm traveling back and forth to be with my family.  The funeral is tomorrow and when you spend the whole day crying, saying your final goodbyes, and celebrating the life of a loved one, it is inevitable that bad food choices will likely arise.  I have no idea what the church will have in the way of food for lunch or what people will bring for supper that night, but if it's anything like the foods that we had just after her passing, it will be a battle.

My dilemma is that I'm battling between giving in to my depression and continuing this downward spiral for yet another day.  I know I shouldn't.  I know that eating badly and not exercising has a huge effect on me.  It just aids in making me more depressed, makes me feel bad physically, and drastically changes my mood and mind set.  Yet, it's easy, there is a component of it that makes you feel briefly better and at the moment I have what seems like a viable excuse to give in.  AHHHH!!!! 

Staying on track is just so difficult.  Even when you desire it and even when you enjoy all of what it brings to your life.  I'm hoping that this is my lowest point in this journey for awhile, but as with all journey's it's not always pretty.  I hope that in sharing this you can all see your own struggles and know that you are certainly NOT alone.  Even health freaks that count every calorie and organize exercise programs for themselves and their co workers/friends can find themselves spiraling out of control.  Here's to a new day, a new start, and spending the day celebrating my sweet Gmom and not wallowing in my own depression for my personal loss of a friend, role model, comedian, sister in Christ, and wonderful grandmother!